Chapter 50: Learn More About You

“So, in other words, you used an efficient method of self-suggestion. Through long-term, regular, and direct verbal reinforcement, paired with corresponding actions, you strictly suppressed and restrained your emotions until they couldn’t be mobilized, almost as if they’d been completely deleted… leaving only appetite behind.”

“Yes.”

“Other than food, all external stimuli have no meaning to you and cannot stir your emotions. You also won’t break rules for the sake of personal needs, because you don’t have any other desires?”

“Mm, that’s indeed how it is.” Lin Jiangye leaned back on the recliner and looked at the softly colored ceiling. “Actually, even now, I still have very few desires. Most of them are related to Yu Wangxiao… But to be honest, the good feelings I had toward Yu Wangxiao at the beginning were only appetite.”

“That’s very normal. There’s no need to blame yourself. Your path for expressing emotions was restricted, leaving only appetite as the one ‘free’ and ‘permitted’ outlet. Over time, your self-perception would gradually become alienated under intense suggestion, becoming distorted. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have other emotional needs.”

Lin Jiangye froze. “…I don’t quite understand.”

“That’s alright. You’ll understand slowly. Mr. Lin, you only need to remember one thing—your emotions, needs, and desires have existed from beginning to end. They never disappeared. You were only unable to perceive their existence, and you forgot how to release them naturally. They were all transformed into appetite, and you were only ‘allowed’ to express them through appetite. This is not your fault. It is self-imprisonment caused by suggestive methods.”

“Okay. It’s not my fault. Imprisonment can be unlocked. I can slowly relearn how to express emotions. I understand that…”

Lin Jiangye was silent for a moment, then suddenly sat up and looked at the elderly man sitting on the sofa with a gentle expression. “But I really feel scared afterward. If… if I hadn’t been able to smell Yu Wangxiao’s scent, if I hadn’t developed real appetite toward him, maybe I would have missed him completely…”

“Was it really only appetite?”

“Really. At first, I came into contact with him only because I wanted to safely get through the crisis in front of me, then live on alone. Assuming I didn’t have curiosity, the desire to explore, or unspeakable longing… even if I did, I probably would’ve found it very hard to notice, right? I was too weak back then. Staying safe was the top priority.”

“Protecting yourself is naturally very important. Little Yu is quite dangerous.” The old man narrowed his eyes and smiled, meaningful. “Your thoughts back then were very normal. There was nothing wrong with them.”

“So I would have run away as quickly as possible, far from this chaotic and dangerous city, hiding far away.” Lin Jiangye fell back onto the recliner, rubbed his face, and sighed softly. “If I’d had enough savings, I really would’ve run away the next day and never come back. That scares me.”

“That is something that never happened in the past and won’t happen in the future. There’s no need to worry. Whether a relationship between people can develop requires the right timing, place, and people. Fate is very important. Many people who should have been attracted to each other lack the coincidence that allows them to see each other. But you two are different.”

“You mean… we’re very fated?” Lin Jiangye tilted his head and realized that this did seem to be true.

“Of course. More importantly… Mr. Lin, you understand Yu Wangxiao very well now, don’t you? You know what kind of person he is.” The old man stroked his short white beard, his tone growing even more meaningful. “He is very obsessive, and extremely unscrupulous.”

Lin Jiangye coughed softly and could not help laughing. “Simply put, he’s a big pervert.”

“Hey, you said that, not me. In any case, as far as I understand, Little Yu is also a person with very little material desire. Usually, he lives lightly and plainly, like the reincarnation of Tang Sanzang. But once desire arises in his heart, it cannot be easily cleaned up…”

Without waiting for Lin Jiangye to speak, the old man shook his head and continued sighing. “Mr. Lin, these are also things you must know. If you want to develop an intimate relationship with him, you must be mentally prepared. As long as it is something he wants, he will always obtain it in the end. No matter how long it takes, no matter what methods he uses, no matter whether the other party is willing or not. Tsk tsk.”

“I like hearing that.” Lin Jiangye’s smile deepened. “If he would definitely do whatever it takes to obtain me, then it’s impossible for me to miss him, right? Even if I hid in South Africa mining, he could fish me out of the mine. Mm, he might even make me willingly climb out of the pit myself.”

“See? Isn’t that the right way to think about it? You two are very suitable for each other. You wouldn’t miss each other so easily, and he wouldn’t give you the chance to run away.” The old man spread his hands. “Mr. Lin, the issues you need to resolve are not many. For this kind of anxiety, having Little Yu help is the most effective method. Talk to him more about your thoughts in daily life. Only he can give you the strongest support.”

“I understand. From now on, I’ll talk to him every night before sleeping… But I have a second question. Doctor Wang, can you teach me how to control anger?”

“Oh? Being able to express anger is also a very effective emotional exercise for your special situation. Actually, you don’t necessarily need to rush to control it.”

Lin Jiangye hesitated for a moment and said quietly, “But my strength is too great, and my destructive power really is a little high. Two days ago, I hit my friend. I hit him pretty hard, because he liked me… Not just him. Recently, several people have been like this. Even now, when I think about it, I still feel uncomfortable.”

“Why do you feel angry? Is it because a stable relationship network and balance were suddenly broken, and the disorder brought you irritation? Or is there another special reason?”

Lin Jiangye froze slightly, then suddenly understood. “Doctor Wang, what you said makes a lot of sense. It’s because the balance was broken! Facts that were once known suddenly went completely out of control, without order or warning, heading toward a situation I never expected.

“I have no experience dealing with this kind of large-scale loss of control. To me, many things that have happened recently are especially absurd—they shouldn’t like me at all. I’m absolutely not the type they would like!”

“Wait, wait, Mr. Lin, that’s not necessarily true. Let me ask you a question. Think carefully. If, at this very moment, a large number of ghost infants and living dead suddenly appeared out of thin air, broke into the clinic, and attacked both of us without warning… would you feel the same level of agitation and anger because of their loss of control?”

“No.” Lin Jiangye did not need to think at all. He blurted out, “Just beat them to death.”

“Between ghosts inexplicably appearing and ‘many people liking you,’ which of these two things is more absurd?”

“…The former. Because I have the absolute ability to deal with them. I know that myself.”

“You have the ability to deal with a large group of extremely dangerous ghosts. Aren’t you especially impressive? Then, once other people know your ability and like you because of it, isn’t that very normal?”

“…Ah?”

“Let us remember two things. First, people’s hearts are the easiest to change. They are never fixed. Second, humans generally instinctively admire strength. Those who say they don’t admire strength are either special cases you happened to meet, or they are talking nonsense.”

“…Mm, alright.”

“Strength can be reflected in moral character, economic class, and the most direct form of martial power. Even being good-looking is a form of strength, right? And in my hypothesis, Mr. Lin, you not only have outstanding looks, but your hard power also stands above the masses.”

The old man chuckled here. “If you saved me from a living-dead crisis, I would like you too. Don’t underestimate the power of the suspension bridge effect. It’s very normal.”

“…Is it really normal?”

“If you looked like Zhu Bajie and all humans were puppets pulled by strings, then liking you would indeed be very abnormal. But you are good-looking, and human hearts happen to be the most changeable… Normal. Normal.”

***

Half an hour later.

In a tea room inside Heye Clinic in A City’s eastern district.

Taking advantage of the moment when the old doctor named Wang Chen went to the bathroom, Lin Jiangye pinched Yu Wangxiao’s wrist and spoke faintly.

“Yu Wangxiao, I think Doctor Wang is not very normal. At first, he seemed quite professional, but the more we talked, the stranger he became.”

Yu Wangxiao laughed and gently answered, “Yes.”

“…Yes?”

“A normal person would not have been my psychologist for ten years.” Yu Wangxiao seemed to be implying something. Then he picked up the fairness cup and poured him a fresh cup of hot tea. “Just treat him as a serious old child. He still has professionalism. After chatting with him, do you still feel irritable?”

“Mm, I don’t feel irritable anymore. But he really is inexplicably strange…” Lin Jiangye held the teacup, somewhat distressed yet also wanting to laugh. “Yu Wangxiao, the people around you are all so interesting. They’re especially weird.”

He Chen was not only an almost pathological money-grubber, but also a fanatical lover of eyeglass design. Usually, if someone wanted to handle matters at Yu Corporation, as long as they gifted him a pair of exquisite handmade glasses, he would become extremely reasonable. This matter had already spread through the industry, and Yu Wangxiao did not care at all.

As for Chen Ming, as a retired air force soldier who had been on the battlefield, his greatest hobbies in life were reading romance novels and eating all kinds of ice cream… If he went three consecutive days without ice cream, he would emotionally collapse, binge eat, and eat himself into a big ball, then rapidly slim down over the next month.

It was said that Yu Corporation’s financial director was also a strange person who especially liked secretly plucking He Chen’s hair to ease his anxiety at month-end and year-end. Over at the research team, there were also several researchers who had received Yu Wangxiao’s financial support while they were in school. They would even form groups to raid garbage dumps in the middle of the night, just to steal mineral water bottles to make handmade boats.

And these inexplicable pieces of gossip were not told by others, but by Wang Chen, the old doctor with a mouth full of white stubble, sparse hair, and a face that looked deeply trustworthy to patients.

In the final stage of their conversation, Wang Chen even boldly declared that he knew all kinds of foolish things and gossip-worthy embarrassments Yu Wangxiao had done more than ten years ago. Not only that, he directly hinted to Lin Jiangye that if he wanted to hear more gossip about Yu Wangxiao, he had to come chat with him every week.

According to Wang Chen, every time Lin Jiangye came to chat with him, he would reveal one little secret about Yu Wangxiao. Otherwise, he would not say a single word.

Lin Jiangye was greatly shocked and could not help suspecting whether Wang Chen’s clinic was actually legitimate. But he also had to admit… his curiosity had truly been hooked. This bait had to be bitten.

“Everyone has their own story. Every seemingly abnormal behavior has roots behind the story and can be explained. Old Wang was also the one who told me this principle.”

Yu Wangxiao paused as he spoke, leaned close to Lin Jiangye’s ear, and lowered his voice. “Old Wang’s child died in a car accident more than ten years ago. He never had another child afterward. Later, he secretly treated me like a son, but he refuses to admit it to death. I don’t want to admit it either.”

As expected of someone skilled at forming friendships with people much older than him. This kind of thing would be rare for someone else, but Yu Wangxiao truly did not have many friends of the same age. Instead, he got along quite well with older generations, even without deliberately doing anything.

“So your relationship is that good.” Lin Jiangye suddenly understood again. “No wonder he dares talk about your embarrassing stories.”

“My embarrassing stories, such as?” Yu Wangxiao had a bad premonition in his heart. He smiled without quite smiling and wrapped his arms around Lin Jiangye.

Lin Jiangye also lowered his voice, falling into his arms without lifting his head, trying very hard not to laugh. “For example, the story of you riding a heavy motorcycle into a roadside ditch, unable to let the Yu family know, so you secretly climbed over the wall into Dean Li’s house in the middle of the night to ask him for help, only to accidentally run into him and his wife doing that kind of thing.”

Yu Wangxiao’s movements stiffened slightly, his voice rarely sounding uneasy. “…He even told you this?”

“Mm. In order to tempt me into regular psychological counseling, Doctor Wang dares tell me anything.”

“…Tuantuan, I was seventeen back then.”

“I know.”

“…”

The silent Yu Wangxiao was very cute. He obediently lowered his eyes and lightly pressed his lips together, his expression stiff, as if he had committed some unforgivable mistake. Lin Jiangye felt his heart melt just looking at him.

“Hey, Yu Wangxiao, don’t tell me you’re embarrassed?”

“…In front of you, of course I want to maintain my image.” Yu Wangxiao slowly tightened his arms and dropped a light kiss on his forehead, sighing softly. “Every minute, every second, I think that way.”

Lin Jiangye froze, sat up straight, and looked at Yu Wangxiao. He raised his hand and brushed it across his face, the motion equally gentle. “…Then I’m going to apply what I just learned. Yu Wangxiao, listen to me. The fact that you think that way proves our relationship is not healthy enough, not mature enough, and not stable enough.”

“Teacher, teach me. What should I do?” Yu Wangxiao tilted his head and kissed his fingertips, answering quietly.

“Learning more about you, anything about you, will only make me like you more. This is an indisputable fact. You need to remember this fact and remember this sentence.” Lin Jiangye spoke slowly, his speed light and gentle. “If you remember it but still feel uneasy because your flaws are exposed, then that must be your problem, Yu Wangxiao. It means I haven’t done well enough.”

“…”

Yu Wangxiao listened until he was stunned and speechless. After a long silence, waves surged in his deep black eyes like a dark pool, locking firmly on Lin Jiangye.

“Did you remember?” Lin Jiangye poked his cheek and urged him confidently. “You have to remember.”

“Mm.”

“Why are you so perfunctory?”

“…Lin Jiangye.”

“Mm?”

Yu Wangxiao raised the corners of his lips. His eyes were extremely gentle as he repeated, word by word, in a low voice, “Learning more about you, anything about you, will only make me like you more.”

Lin Jiangye smiled too. “Why are you copying me?”

“Tuantuan, you won’t understand… how happy I am right now.”

“What do you mean I won’t understand? Don’t underestimate me.”

“You won’t understand.” Yu Wangxiao was rarely so firm in his stance as he smiled unhurriedly and refuted him. “The happiness of a believer successfully rising to power is something you will never be able to understand.”

“…Then, then what should I do to make your rise to power even more successful?” Lin Jiangye really did not understand very well and indeed did not fully grasp it, but he truly wanted to satisfy Yu Wangxiao’s wish.

“Let me obtain the birthday gift I want most. Is that alright?”

“…What is it?”

Yu Wangxiao did not answer immediately. Instead, he uncontrollably kissed him softly. His lips, as wonderful in texture as fine jelly, rubbed gently against Lin Jiangye’s lip corner and the tail of his eye, making Lin Jiangye’s breathing become hot at the fastest speed and making his hunger suddenly leap up, overwhelming his already sparse chain of thought.

“Yu Wangxiao… say it.” Lin Jiangye found that his voice was hoarse, like a desert adventurer separated from the group for days, so thirsty he was about to go mad. Yet his legs were weak.

But Yu Wangxiao’s expression was so gentle, like dense, sticky honey slowly rising up and wrapping around Lin Jiangye’s pounding heart.

“Lin Jiangye, I want you to □□.”